Hello everybody, I hope that you guys are well. As you know I write on a range of topics but one of my main purposes of blogging is to help the readers by using my knowledge and personal experiences, I am aware that these tips may or may not help you due to various life factors but I can do the best of my knowledge and to share my experiences. I hope that you guys enjoy these tips and that this helps.
If you currently can’t love and care for yourself, start by caring for something/someone/a pet – This may sound irrelevant and is the reason why I have my cat as the feature photo of this post, sometimes we tend to neglect ourselves or be in such a bad mental state that we are actually unable to look after and love ourselves. The reason why I suggest this because there is no better feeling than showing love and care, this cultivates a sense of achievement and purpose to which in turn makes you feel proud of yourself from within, even on the darkest days. It does not have to be big, it could be cooking a meal for a loved one, feeding the birds outside (like I was in Lanzarote), cuddling a pet (Like my cat and two dogs shown above!), looking after plants and even volunteering, these little things have helped me in the past and currently.
Acceptance and approval from others will not contribute to self-love, period. – I know, you’ve heard this a million times and it sounds extremely cliche, but I am not just going to include cliche points in this post I am going to explain how it works. For instance, I was very insecure about my appearance and suffered from Body Dysmorphic Disorder, I was severely bullied for my looks in school and then things changed at 16, I finally got my first boyfriend/s and dated guys that showered me with compliments and a couple years later I even got called in for a casting and was on the brink of getting signed by a model agency but was I confident and loving myself by then? no, I still felt less than sh*t. I did not feel confident, I still complained about myself and cried myself to sleep, around the time of my first serious relationship, my boyfriend told me I was beautiful a million times but I just snapped back and said, “No I am not” or tell him he was lying and this put a massive strain on our relationship and turned into full blown arguments. Let’s just say at one stage I did believe him and felt good, temporarily, but what happened when his behaviour changed and the relationship ended and I got replaced? Yes, you’ve guessed it, I crumbled and hated myself even more, to the point where I self-harmed and planned a suicide by overdosing, what made it worse was this on-and-off relationship dragged on over the space of around 2 years so this made my confidence peak and drop constantly which was very draining. Let’s just also think what would happen if I went through with getting signed by this model agency and I didn’t get any work or that they decided suddenly to remove me from their books? Any false confidence and false sense of self love that I gained from the approval of others would crumble along with people’s actions, along with my ex’s and the guys I’ve dated, along with that Booker from the model agency, along with those who hurt me.
Human being’s are very flawed, putting your self-worth in the hands of other people is very dangerous and toxic which is why it must come from within. Do not judge yourself from other people’s eyes, you are the person who knows yourself best and better than anyone else in the world, only you can define yourself and your happiness. This does not mean that you cannot accept compliments, but do not use them as a foundation for your confidence and self love, rather, use them as an extension of the love you have/are building on inside! It has got to the point where I am not even ashamed to say I was hurt by people and replaced in this post, because none of people’s actions define me, not even the compliments and good stuff!
Eat well, pamper yourself and make small health steps! – Okay, you’re thinking oh god another health tip. No, seriously hear me out, during my degree my health went downhill, I was smoking, eating junk and barely leaving the house, I only ever left the house for lectures and neglected myself BIG time! I kept complaining and saying “where is my upgrade?” (In terms of relationships) “But I worked on myself for so long” BUT, I was under the illusion that I was working on myself because I was burning the midnight oil and working on my degree. Upon completing my degree I decided to do something for me, I decided to regain small aspects of my life so I went cold turkey and gave up smoking and haven’t smoked for three months and cut out alcohol, this a form of self love and care and I cannot stress how much these small steps can help you. How you treat yourself is vital in the self-love and what helped me, this includes what you consume and your general lifestyle, even the smallest changes can make you love yourself a little more even if it is eating smashed avocado for breakfast, going to a spa or a shopping spree (For skincare/health products of course, any excuse!). So drink your water, go to the spa, buy a bunch of avocados or whatever works best for you but I can guarantee that these small changes will make the world of difference.
I hope that these few yet very detailed tips and my experiences have been informative and I will add more tips soon but since this is very detailed, I will stop this there and I hope that you enjoyed this.